And it really makes me wonder....

He's moving to NY (my home city) soon, and we're supposed to meet tomorrow to have drinks, to say "goodbye."

But, now that I think about it, what's the point?

I've known him for about eight years, and never has he treated me how I wanted, or how I deserve. Sure, I'm attracted to him, and, yes, we have our memories, but if he really cared about me, even as a friend, I would have better souvenirs of our relationship.

I was smitten over our first conversation, in French, about how we were going to be married and have four children, and, oh oh, oh la la!

Clearly, that is not in our stars.

Even when I see him- every few months or so- it's as if I could be any one of his appreciative audience members... Nothing special here. And I respect myself too much to submit to these little throws of attention.

So why should I go out of my way to bid adieu to you? Whether I do or don't, I'm sure you'll treat me with the same indifference that you treat everyone else, whether or not you "loved" them, whether or not they cared for you while you puked in bushes or put up with your terrible kissing.

At this point, there's nothing left to say but good luck. Thanks for showing me exactly what I don't want, and what I deserve in a relationship. I'm sure you will be very successful in your career. Still, at the end of the day, can that alone be fulfilling? How do you sustain yourself on a perpetual diet of niceties, flirting and malnourished promises?

Do you believe that I still believe everything you say?

... I don't believe in you anymore.

Ruminations

Just a few things that have been on my mind lately:

-Today I met someone who's never heard of Twitter. Really? Really?! Have you been living under a rock or in a 1960's bomb shelter?

-Men that spit on the sidewalk. That is beyond disgusting. You make no attempt to hide it. And what spurs the need to spit at 9 in the morning? Chewing tobacco? Seriously, that is just so unattractive.

-Fat people don't bother me; obese people who are sloppy offend me. It has more to do with personality than anything else. I don't understand people who (literally and figuratively) parade their weight around. Take a little pride in yourself. Just a bit.

-Obviously, I am a judgmental person. Yup, I am... And though sometimes I feel bad about it, I think it stems from the perfectionist within. Bane or boon? Probably both.

-Visceral songs- songs that you love even though they are not related to any moment or thought in your life. It's like you relate to them based on something you've forgotten. They just speak to something deep within. It's most difficult to share these songs with other people; never have put them on a mixtape because it would be way too intimate.

-If you like me, call me. I know you have a blackberry, so email doesn't count. Make the extra effort to dial a full 10 digits. It won't kill you, I promise.

-"Famous" bloggers are the next Paris Hilton. You better have some great writing to back up those incredible stories. What makes you so fascinating? The improbability of it all. No, this is not said out of jealousy, just in awe of egos based on online personae.

-Why do Viagra commercials contain warnings for women who are "pregnant or may be pregnant?" Why on Earth would any woman reach for the little blue pill??! See also: drugs whose side effects clearly outweigh its benefits.

On dressing for summer

Ladies, some ground rules:

1. Just because it's hot out does not mean you're at the beach. Or in Jamaica. That means no hot pink pants, tie-dye shirts, platform flip flops (shudder), tube tops. If miniskirts or cleavage were not appropriate in your office last fall, they're still not. There are plenty of options beyond tiny sundresses and halter tops: gorgeous shirt-dresses, DVF wraps, nice linen pants. Please invest in a skirt suit in a lightweight fabric. Yes, you can still wear black in summer!
2. Warm weather does not equal a pass to wear tight clothing. This is especially true in the office. I'll say it again: if it wasn't appropriate before, it isn't ok now. Outside of the office, be aware of what you're exposing. If you're not in bikini shape, what are you doing wearing Daisy Dukes and a lycra tank top? I don't want to see that. Wouldn't you be more comfortable, not to mention more in style, in a maxi dress?
3. The same goes for too-loose clothing. Flowing dresses, cute. Schlumpy cargos? Not so much. Yeah, I get it, it's steamy, you don't want fabric sticking to your skin. But, trust me, there are breathable fabrics galore that can alleviate that problem. No need to reach for the oversized T. I am a big fan of "beach pants;" Ella Moss makes some adorable pieces that look good and are comfortable.
4. Exposed toes = pedicure. For the love of God, if I see one more unpolished toenail I am going to scream! Fine, we don't all have the time or money for biweekly pedicures (I certainly don't), but at least pick up a file, a bottle of polish, and get to work! You wouldn't wear a skirt without shaving your legs, would you? (I hope not.) Same goes for your toes. No polish, no flip flops. Deal with it.
5. Speaking of grooming... Do it. You know that scene in Sex & The City where we get an eyeful of Miranda's "situation?" Don't be that girl. I don't care how you do it, just keep your legs crossed till you do.

Quote of the week

Shannon Stamey: so, sometimes, you gotta take your pixel nipples and run.

-the ever talented Shannon on what it's like to be the official SS Boob Formatter.

I'd like to buy this bear a Coke

"Polar bear attacks woman at Berlin Zoo," the headline reads.

What the headline should read: "Insane German woman jumps fence to molest bear."

I have come across this story several times over the weekend, and each time I wonder to myself, wtf?! I love how "it's [still] unclear why the woman entered the bear habitat, but police issued her a citation for trespassing."

Perhaps they should also issue her a straitjacket and some anti-psychotics. I mean... again, WTF? Was she fooled by the fluffy white exterior? Maybe she just really wanted to give him a Coca-Cola?

You know, they don't really drink that.

Coverage of the story has been everywhere, but no article has tickled me more than this one at CNN. Not only is the photo pure (evil) genius, there is a video link that reads "watch polar bear attack woman."

My friend thought he might be a bad person because he laughed out loud at that picture on CNN.

Well, if laughing at a giant German lady being dunked by a bear is wrong, then I so don't wanna be right.

Almost famous

The first thing I did this morning was check DCBlogs. I just had a feeling. On the way to work I grabbed the Express, and sure enough, there it was.

My coworker called from across the office.

"Did you see yourself in the paper?!"

"Yup," I replied. "Now they have more shit to talk about!"

Though it's not the first time (actually, it was you who outed me to my entire office), as Shannon pointed out, it's always nice to see your name in print.

Thanks, Express! You put a bit of spring in my step today. And a bit of stardust in my eyes.

Didn't you graduate?

Last time I checked, we were no longer in high school. Or even college, with the rampant cliques and catty sorority girls.

Now, I'm not so naive as to believe that cattiness disappears once we enter the "real world."

But, for the love of coffee and all things holy, since when did the blogosphere become such a nasty place?

I recently found out that my name has been brought up in emails and conversations, prompting people to ask what certain bloggers have against me, or I against them.

And ya know what?

I DON'T ANSWER.

When their names come up in conversation, I don't badmouth them. The only time I comment is to say that yeah, I read their blog, it's good.

And though we may not speak in real life, yeah, I do sometimes read your blog. So what? You're a good writer!

But I refuse to perpetuate gossip. The only people who know what happened in any situation are the ones directly involved. That's it. Anything else is hearsay.

So it pisses me off to hear of my name mentioned in email chains sent to plenty of people who don't even know me, leaving them to wonder and speculate about a situation of which they have no reason to be aware.

I know I'm not the only one in the DC blogosphere to go through this, and I think I speak for all of us when I say: back off. I don't bother with you. I don't talk behind your back.

Other than this blip, you don't exist for me. Were we to see each other in public, I hope you could be civil. I know I certainly could.

If I have to defend myself, I will. Really, though, is that what you want?

So please stop bringing me up in your conversations. I know it's hard, but I'm sure there are more interesting topics to discuss.

After all, isn't that why we blog?