As my birthday approaches, I've started to plan some sort of a celebration. A toast to me. Because that's what birthdays are all about, right?
So I picked one of my favorite restaurants and made a reservation for that night. And then sat down to make the guest list.
Aside from two or three usual suspects, I came up empty.
Last year, I invited 10 girl friends to martinis at Town and Country. Almost everyone made it, and I was so pleased with the outcome. Not only was it fun (duh!) and the drinks were delicious, but everyone was hitting it off, chatting. Definitely comfortable. And I left feeling loved- I had ten people come out to celebrate me, and our friendship.
My life has changed a lot since my last birthday. These days I'm in touch with only a handful of those ten. Some have moved, some have moved on, and some weren't real friends to begin with. I've always said I'd rather have a few close friends than a million acquaintances, but now I just don't know.
Yes, there are "friends,"and friends of friends, I could invite to dinner, but that's really not the point. I love small group dinners, and that's what I want for my birthday: a gathering of close friends, not peripherals- people I feel comfortable with, people that I know really want to be there. The only problem is, I'm afraid I can't fill the table.
(And though it's not super expensive, it feels presumptuous to invite people I'm not even good friends with, don't you think? I don't want to make people spend money on me who otherwise wouldn't.)
I don't want to use acquaintances as filler. That would feel so fake, and there's no room for pity at my table.
I know I'm overthinking this. Still, deep down I'm worried I'll have to cancel that reservation, and end up eating sushi alone at home. On a Saturday night. On my birthday.
I really really don't want that to happen- I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Maybe I'll go see my fam in NY. If nothing else, I'll have dinner out and honor myself, and my year, and the changes I've made.
And remind myself that it is quality, not quantity, is what really matters. Even if it's only a party of one.
Cheers
November 5, 2008
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3 comments:
The most important thing is that you do something you enjoy on your birthday. It doesn't matter whether that's by yourself or with others, it's all about you. You seem to know that already. Don't forget it.
I am honored to be chosen for the "table" :-) I only hope I can help make your birthday as fantabulous as you deserve it to be! Can't wait!
I find that the older you get, the less important your birthday becomes to other people. It's sad, but I take it as a day to do something great for myself every year, no matter who is in my life.
And if you are alone for your birthday, I know another blogger who would buy you a drink to celebrate. :)
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